You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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