i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
