Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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