we're blogging at a bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
