If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
