Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
