i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
