Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
