just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have already put on my inside pants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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