Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
