put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did i walk over a car last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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