So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
