My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
