I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
