Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
