Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
