shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
