You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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