i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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