It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
