How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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