I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
