Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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