She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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