you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
