I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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