I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
