The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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