do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
