i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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