do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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