The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
did you just send me my own nude
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
