I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
