Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
