Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
