Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
