Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
