paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
