Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
