you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
