Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
