i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
