K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
