Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
