Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
