god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
