Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
