Me too!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
