Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
