Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
