dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
