My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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