Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
