Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
