I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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