By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
